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PAST HOUSING HORROR STORIES

Alex King

“We’ve got f*cking rats!” my housemate screamed down his mobile, only to be greeted by a disgusted groan from our landlord. The rats had been, to our knowledge at least, frequenting our kitchen for only a day or two, but their effect on seven fully grown men had been profound. No-one walked around barefoot, no-one had their girlfriends over, and, when ‘Larry’, the largest rat, was sighted in the upstairs bathroom, half of the household even stopped having showers. Other than fire or carbon monoxide poisoning, attracting rats is the worst thing that can happen to any student house. We learnt our lesson soon enough - block any holes or cracks in the walls, and, whatever you do, do not leave any food on the floor!

Richard Smith

The scene is set; you’re gathered with your mates just about to view the first house that you might potentially be living in next year. You have arranged to meet the landlord, but that was half an hour ago and still no show. When he finally does arrive he is a scruffy looking bloke, jeans ripped, paint all over him and a distinct smell of beer whenever you may get too close. Undeterred you follow him into the grottiest looking of all terraced houses trying to reassure yourself that it can only get better inside. How mistaken you are. From the smell of illicit drugs, to the landlord being annoyed at one of the current tenants for daring to be in, warning them to stay clear, to the landlord glancing at the ceiling and muttering under his breath that he meant to fix that leak ‘a couple of weeks ago,’ it may be that this house has not made the lasting impression you thought it might. Granted this house probably is not for you as many others will also prove but do not let it completely deter you from student houses. Amongst the unloved, downcast feeble excuses for homes there are also some very reputable ones. Try asking a friend that has already lived in a house, and if their report is positive get their landlord’s number or try a well recognised firm as reputations aren’t gained without substance. Most of all do not panic and let yourself be taken in by the landlord that says he is ‘usually available’ while rejecting call after call from possible tenants.

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